Oakland, CA (The Onion) - Today during a special one year birthday party for Leila Bernstein, Leila and her two cousins Sonia and Liza Lachter were spontaneously exposed to their newest relative, Basho the Sumo Wrestler. How Basho became a member of the Bernstein/Lachter clan still remains somewhat of a mystery. Sources close to the situation said late Saturday that they believe the three cousin's Uncle, Uncle Dave, adopted Basho when he saw an article in a magazine stating "This sumo wrestler would look great in your home."
"Dave is really compassionate and I am guessing when he read that article in the Skymall Magazine, he couldn't help but adopt Basho" said Eric Lachter, brother-in-law of Uncle Dave. How Basho found a home at the Bernstein residence in Oakland is another story however. "Dave may be compassionate, but he is not necessarily always responsible like I am," stated Ben Bernstein, Uncle Dave's Brother. "One day I am hangin out minding my own business and this thing shows up in a box...it was de-gassing in my house, and I didn't know what to do with it. I know Dave had good intentions of giving Basho a home, but until I consulted Dave Corran and determined I should put him in the garden, I was a bit miffed, and he actually scared Leila and Carolyn."
Reaction from the Three Nieces was mixed. Sonia Lachter commented that she thought Basho was very cute and smart and looked forward to having him to their house for the High Holidays this fall. Liza Lachter stated that Basho looked like her Daddy, wanted to bring him home with her, and thought maybe he could help with some of her chores around the house. Leila's reaction was mixed, but she seemed to like him, spit up on him, laughed at him and then some indicate actually looked at him and said "Daa Daa." Ben immediately denied this, irritated by the obvious reference by his daughter to possible similarities between Ben and Basho. He attempted to clarify by stating, "she didn't say Daa Daa as in Daddy, she said Daa Daa as in doo doo, or because i think that thing made her crap her diapers when she looked at it, just like it had the same effect on me."
Uncle Dave was not available for comment at press time.
